I was raised in a traditional Christian home.
As a six year old in Vacation Bile School I learned Jesus wanted to save me from my sins and asked Him to be my Savior. However, as I went to church each Sunday, sang the Bible songs, and learned about God, there were other influences in my life. I was fascinated by the occult. Ghosts, witches, mediums, psychics, haunted houses…I wanted to learn it all.
As a teenager, I started reading the Bible myself, learning that God warned against occult practices. I loved God and didn't want to offend Him so I stopped participating in occult games and seeking psychic experiences as I'd done throughout childhood. But a desire for the mystical remained. While I devoted myself to God, went to a Christian college, met and married a Christian man, there was a longing to indulge those hidden interests.
My husband and I were very active in church, volunteering or serving in some way. However, I lost something in my relationship with Christ. I forgot the mercy of my Savior. I began listening to others who suggested to be a "real Christian" you had to rules, live a certain way. I became legalistic, replacing a relationship based on grace for strict religion and a desire to be "the perfect Christian".
Life wasn't easy. Our family was not prosperous, as some Bible teachers proclaimed we should be, despite doing all the correct things or saying the right words. I became depressed, the relationship with my husband strained. I couldn’t live up to my religious demands and neither could he. I stopped reading the Bible and gave up on prayer. Going to church became a rote exercise for both of us.
In 1999, I decided Christianity wasn’t working for me any longer and after twenty-nine years in the church—I left.
Instead, I explored Wicca (a goddess/earth-based pagan religion incorporating witchcraft) which I first learned about in 1995. I began surfing the internet, joining pagan message boards. I studied mythology,and learned about herbs, crystals, colors, as well as divination techniques such as the tarot and pendulum.
For the first year I hid my mystical practices from my husband…who was going through his own emotional and spiritual struggles…but eventually I left our marriage. I thought I'd found freedom, and that included freedom from him. Over the next several years I worked on psychic development, becoming a medium and a ghost hunter.
Thankfully, God was not going to let go of me easily. From the beginning, the Holy Spirit was reminding me of His presence, convicting me of sin. I spent a lot of time wondering if I was making a mistake. I would waffle between Christianity and witchcraft. Frustrated by my spiritual turmoil, I decided to bring my past faith into my current practice to create a personalized spiritual path.
I became a Christian witch.
I reunited with my husband, practicing witchcraft, being a medium, and going on paranormal investigations. I was content until through a rather odd circumstance God’s truth broke through the malaise, setting me free. I confessed my sin and renounced all I had done over eight years.
I recommitted my life to Jesus Christ.
What I experienced during my eight year spiritual journey was difficult, painful, but I'm thankful for having walked through it. Now I'm firmly set in the center of God's will. No matter where I go from here, I will serve Him. My prayer is God will use my story to bring Him glory, reveal the truth of His never ending mercy, grace, and forgiveness, encouraging anyone who might be on a similar journey to never stop seeking Him.
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An in-depth account of my spiritual journey will be published by Charisma House in September 2012. Escaping the Cauldron is an informative memoir, offering one woman's unique perspective on Christianity, the occult, and God's saving grace.
